"You'll be surprised at the results," said Salmoneous. "I guarantee it."
Iolaus looked supremely doubtful. "So let me get this straight, I fill out this scroll of yours and you give it to a girl who –"
"No, no! I don't just hand it to any Tonya, Dyonesi or Harriet that comes along. No! You fill it out and I match your likes and dislikes with a compatible mate. Aphrodite couldn't do better!"
"I wouldn't say that too loudly if I were you," warned Iolaus. "Especially with you trampling her territory, if you know what I mean."
"Nonsense! What I'm doing can only help lovers. Not to mention, it promises to net a very tidy little profit."
"No." Iolaus handed back the scroll survey.
"No?"
"No."
"But the results! I've already had a 98% success rate at matching couples."
"Uh-huh. How many have signed up?"
"Roughly?"
"Exactly."
Salmoneous shifted uncomfortably. "Three. But it's a new enterprise! It takes time. Advertising. Word of mouth –"
Shaking his head, Iolaus started to walk away.
Not willing to let him off that easily, Salmoneous jogged along beside him. "You can embellish the essay part of the form if you like," he said. "Not that you'd need to, of course," he added hastily. "But imagine the possibilities. Picture this! Widowed White Male, tall –"
"Tall?"
"—heroic, outdoorsy and skilled hunter, seeks companionship of intelligent, buxom, adventurous female. Queens and lady pirates preferred. Willing to travel long distances a plus. Worshipers of Hera need not apply." Salmoneous beamed. "Huh? Huh? What do you think? Enough to tempt any beauty, mortal or goddess, eh?"
Iolaus laughed out loud as he continued to walk away. "You're right," he chuckled. "Dite doesn't have anything to worry about."
Iolaus of Thebes
Hercules/Xena
290 words
Iolaus looked supremely doubtful. "So let me get this straight, I fill out this scroll of yours and you give it to a girl who –"
"No, no! I don't just hand it to any Tonya, Dyonesi or Harriet that comes along. No! You fill it out and I match your likes and dislikes with a compatible mate. Aphrodite couldn't do better!"
"I wouldn't say that too loudly if I were you," warned Iolaus. "Especially with you trampling her territory, if you know what I mean."
"Nonsense! What I'm doing can only help lovers. Not to mention, it promises to net a very tidy little profit."
"No." Iolaus handed back the scroll survey.
"No?"
"No."
"But the results! I've already had a 98% success rate at matching couples."
"Uh-huh. How many have signed up?"
"Roughly?"
"Exactly."
Salmoneous shifted uncomfortably. "Three. But it's a new enterprise! It takes time. Advertising. Word of mouth –"
Shaking his head, Iolaus started to walk away.
Not willing to let him off that easily, Salmoneous jogged along beside him. "You can embellish the essay part of the form if you like," he said. "Not that you'd need to, of course," he added hastily. "But imagine the possibilities. Picture this! Widowed White Male, tall –"
"Tall?"
"—heroic, outdoorsy and skilled hunter, seeks companionship of intelligent, buxom, adventurous female. Queens and lady pirates preferred. Willing to travel long distances a plus. Worshipers of Hera need not apply." Salmoneous beamed. "Huh? Huh? What do you think? Enough to tempt any beauty, mortal or goddess, eh?"
Iolaus laughed out loud as he continued to walk away. "You're right," he chuckled. "Dite doesn't have anything to worry about."
Iolaus of Thebes
Hercules/Xena
290 words